I don't know why I think the way I do; or act the way I act; or for any matter why am I who I am? It's the question I've asked myself over and over but was never able to answer All I know is that I'm not a person that can actually look into my past and pull out a time where I was happy. I can pick times where I wasn't sad but that's about as good as it gets. Now I know there will be somebody who will say "well if you weren't sad at that time then you where obviously happy." Now that sounds all well and good but the point is I wasn't and I hate myself for it. The reason being is that there has been a few things happen to me that I should be happy about but for some reason I just have emptiness inside of me and a lot of pain. I honestly am starting to believe that there are some people who genuinely are unable to feel or appreciate. Now living life with only contentment to look forward to is horrible. There were days where I didn't sleep and then there were days where I never got out of bed. I became so fed up and angry of my life. God help me? I MISS AH BOY ! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
